New Beginnings

It's a new year. A new year signifies a chance to do things differently. It represents hope. A new beginning. But I haven't painted in eight weeks. I have found myself to be in the middle of a creative block. It was partly triggered by the political uncertainty in the world since the US election and my desolation at how it felt like forces of intolerance and hatred were winning. I also was wracked with doubts about my art business and frustrated by the ongoing challenge of finding the right audience for my paintings.

It hasn't been a complete creative block as I gave myself permission to divert my attention from painting to other creative things--things that required wider focus and less concentration. I repainted the walls of our upstairs hallway. I installed new picture rails to display my art and others. I framed art, mine and pieces I had purchased from friends. I built a simple wood bed frame with Chloé for her room. I reorganized shelves and drawer contents. I've been reading. I walk with Meeko every day. I thought of all of the good people I know. I've spent time with family and friends.

If I was to look at the whole of 2016 in a personal way, it was the year of the neck and back. I had to slow down for several weeks in the early summer after being diagnosed with arthritis in my neck. Physiotherapy has helped so much. I've learned to stand and sit up straighter. This past week, there was a new challenge. I began suffering from dizzy spells. They were scary at first but they have been diagnosed as muscular in origin--my trapezius muscle probably irritated after a vigorous hike over the holidays. My physiotherapist thinks that the dizziness should be resolved in a few days. What a relief. I can't wait for them to be gone. My neck and back keep sending me signals. Don't take things for granted. Look after yourself. Stand up straight.

So I am determined to paint again. To feel hope about the state of the world. To help when I can. To stay aware but not to the point of paralysis. To take moments to appreciate the beauty of nature. To create. To concentrate on those I do reach with my art and to worry less about those I don't. To surround myself with caring people with good hearts. To listen to my aging body but to work with it and remind it that 'hey buddy, we still have plenty we need to do together'. To concentrate on art and love and hope.

This morning we woke to sunshine and a magical garden covered in hoar frost. I went out in my pajamas to photograph it for you! These photos of ice and light seem to be the perfect representation of where I've been lately and where I am right now. Frozen but allowing the light to get in.

I'm not sure what I am going to paint when I get back into my studio next week but I look forward to being there. And I want you to know that I'm really glad you are here with me.

November Musings

I've introduced a lot of new work to my shop recently. During the past week, I introduced a new collection of pansy prints. They are available individually and as a set. I have a real soft spot for pansies. Aside from being beautiful flowers, they are associated with many childhood memories. I used to pick pansies in my grandparents' garden. An extra layer to those memories and associations is the fact that my grandmother's name was Viola.

This past week, I also had something to celebrate. I passed 2,000 followers on Instagram! I appreciate the people who follow me there so much. Instagram is definitely one of my 'happy places'. It's a great place to feel encouragement and inspiration. A real hub of creativity.

Because I have been working on the computer so much the past couple of weeks to convert paintings into new prints, I find my afternoon walks with Meeko extra restorative. On Friday afternoon, I decided to walk a little farther than usual on a road we don't usually take. The road is bordered by corn fields. It was so beautiful.

That was the day that I learned that Meeko is the colour of a corn field in autumn. Now you know too.

While I do love autumn, November is not my favourite month. I miss the flowers in my garden. I find the lack of daylight hard. It makes taking product photos more complicated. I don't like that it's already dark when Chloé gets home from school. I start to feel the pressure of the impending holidays. I have lots of things to keep me busy in the weeks ahead which is good. Colder days will mean that I can start to walk regularly in the little forest with Meeko again. We've already been a couple of times.

With plentiful studio time and Meeko time, I'll get through November just fine.

It's My Birthday

It's my birthday on July 1st. Canada Day. I have always loved having my birthday the same day as a national celebration and holiday.

Today, I was walking Meeko and thought I am going to be 48 tomorrow. It took me a few more steps to do the mental correction. No, I am going to be 58. Kind of hilarious that I lost a decade but nice that I am feeling younger than I am.

When I initially launched my internet life, I hid my age like a closely guarded secret. I felt like everyone was younger than me. That was especially the vibe, although perhaps not factual, on Etsy. I worried that people wouldn't like or value me as much if they knew how old I was.

I have made many wonderful friends over the past few years of all sorts of ages. We have connected because of mutual interests and values: a sense of humour, art, gardens, music, nature, pets, food, family, life.

Over time, I have realized that creativity is not age-related. It just is. And really, if you're counting, maybe having a few more years under your creative belt is a good thing.

Plus, the age we are is not really relevant every-day conversation, unless you are under five. The people who spend time reminding others that they are younger are not talking about achievements or values. We don't choose when we are born. That's done for us. We're all on a timeline, just at different places. It's better to spend time appreciating connections, celebrating creativity and being who we are.

The photo above was taken three years ago. I found it in my files when I was looking for photos for my new website this past month. I didn't choose it because I wanted to look three years younger. The pickings are slim when you are as camera shy as I am (!) and I just love that it captures a sweet moment between me and Meeko.

To celebrate my birthday and Canada Day, I am offering a 20% discount in my (Shopify) shop www.trowelandpaintbrush.com  on July 1st. Use the coupon BDAY2015. It expires at midnight (EST) at the end of the day on July 1st.

❤   ❤   ❤   ❤  ❤ 

Counting Sheep

I suffer from insomnia quite regularly, but I don't usually count sheep. I will toss and turn for a little while and then read until I'm sleepy again.

So I've established that I don't count sheep, but I sure do eat sheep when they are as cute and delicious as the cookies that Emma made this week.

She found the cookie recipe in the book 1001 Cupcakes, Cookies & Other Tempting Treats and then she went one step further by creating a whole sheepscape (I think I've just invented a word) with a fence, the moon and some stars.

Mysteriously, the sheepscape is now missing a few pieces. (They were scrumptious.)

You can find the recipe here.

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The days since returning from our New York vacation have been busy.  I have been working this whole week on a commissioned painting that I have to deliver tomorrow.  I finished it at about 5:30 p.m. today. Phew! I have had double knots about it as it was commissioned by a friend to be delivered to her friends in France, so I want her to be happy as well as the final recipients. I will post a photo of the final version once it has been delivered into her hands tomorrow. Chloé has been at a one-week overnight camp for the first time this past week. We pick up the happy (I hope) camper tomorrow. I still have photos to sort and stories to tell about our Manhattan visit. Stay tuned.

Pick One

Years ago, I visited a printer who had a sign in their front entrance 'Quality, Speed, Price:  Pick Two'.  It made me smile because I think it can be applied to other things. Honestly, there are some days when picking one seems enough.

Balance is a difficult thing. I think it's probably even trickier when you work at home (and I'm not in any way diminishing the burden carried by those who work outside of home).  I can try to ignore duties attached to the house when I am supposed to be here being creative, but the house surrounds me. If one of my girls has a dentist appointment,  I'm the one with the 'flexible' schedule so guess who drives her? If Meeko needs a haircut, I'm the one who takes him (he's looking cute, by the way). Throw in a medical appointment for me, a sick day for one of my girls, two walks a day for Meeko scheduled in between rain and wind storms, and a week can disappear.

One of my daughters came home from school this week saying that some of her friends thought that everyone had a cleaning woman. No, not everyone.  We don't have a gardener either.  Well actually we do, but she lives here and is feeling bad right now about how neglected the garden is.

My husband is away from the house about 13 hours on most days and often works weekends, not by choice. He has an impossible job.  He comes in the door at the end of the day like a hurricane and rushes around the house being 'mostly' helpful in a very condensed way. It makes for a family life that feels upside down sometimes.

Beyond the demands of day-to-day family life, it's hard to achieve balance online as well.  If I look after my blog, I'm not painting.  If I'm painting (and I did finish a painting this week), I'm not producing new prints for my Etsy shop (which still take me a lot of time to do).  If I spend time making treasuries for Etsy (which is really helping my shop get more views), I'm not visiting other people's blogs and encouraging them.  But if I spend time visiting blogs, I feel like I'm cheering on others and I'm neglecting myself.

You get my drift.  I'm sure you all live various versions of this. It's hard to achieve balance or even feel that you're getting close some days. I'm not complaining. I'm mulling. I'm sifting. I'm deciding for today which one to pick.

Perspective

Yesterday's printing difficulties unleashed a wave of uncertainty and self-doubt that went way beyond printing and sometime during the night got mixed up and attached to painting and blogging as well--in the end, you name it.

Some kind and sensitive words this morning from my dear friend Colette and my sister Nancy helped. An encouraging email from my husband was appreciated: "Ne te décourage pas!" A walk with my cheerful companion Meeko was uplifting. Finally I did what I should have done hours before. I walked upstairs to my studio and started painting again. I have a quote by Vincent Van Gogh hanging on the bulletin board beside my work table. It is so simple and yet so true: "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." I should have remembered Vincent's words in the early morning hours.

My studio is in a state of, let's say, semi-disorder. I cleaned and organized my painting table last week so it is looking quite good. The rest of the room--not so great. There are piles and piles of books, papers, art supplies and sewing materials all waiting to be organized and placed properly. Up until this summer, I was using one of our basement rooms as a storage room for my greeting cards (I'll show you them some day soon), business papers and the bulkier art supplies. That space is now an entertainment room for the family which makes so much more sense, but that means that many things have travelled up the stairs to my studio. It also means that I'm not certain where many things are.

After painting for a while today, I started looking for something I needed and I had to sift through some of the piles on my loft floor. I came across a sheet that I had forgotten about. It was passed out by the teacher of an art class I took a few years ago. Interesting timing. It was yet another message encouraging creativity in moments of self-doubt.

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others." 

I have looked it up and those beautiful words belong to the American dancer/choreographer, Martha Graham. They were part of a private conversation she had with her friend and fellow dancer and choreographer Agnes de Mille. De Mille later included the conversation in her book, Dance to the Piper. 

And so right now, I am taking both Vincent's and Martha's words to heart and heading back to my loft to paint.

Happy

Above is what I consider to be a little bowl of 'happy'.  It's a small dish that I have in my front hallway filled with little, pretty things that make me happy.  There are glass hearts, an Eiffel Tower, beach glass, tiny shells and little stones.  It never looks quite the same.  Something might be taken out or put back in.  I have noticed visitors (kids especially) sifting through it with their fingers.

My sister Nancy (who designs beautiful jewelry that I wear it most days) made a comment this week that she can sense happiness in my paintings lately.  (Thanks, Nance. Your ongoing encouragement means so much to me.)  I am feeling happy lately.  Painting more often, moving forward in a creative direction, starting this blog (which serves the artist and writer in me)--they're all helping me to feel happy and right in my world.  I've actually caught myself singing out loud a few times lately.

I also made progress yesterday on making a digital print of one of my paintings.  This has been a real struggle for me with a huge learning curve attached to it. I am really looking forward to being able to show it to you in the very near future.

So here's my wish for you, my readers -- that you find your own little bowl of 'happy' in the days ahead, whether it be by creating something or doing something you enjoy or being with people you love.

"The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself."

Alan Alda